The Road To Finding Myself

By Desyrette • July 27, 2014

A lot of times, i have thought of several ways to express my self, understand myself, feel accomplish with my inner self, love myself, have self confidence, use myself to touch lives in a positive way , I thought i could do this on my own but i came to realize that there is no other door to be knocked on but Gods. I was raised by a single parent ( my mom) to whom i owe much love and respect to. She tried her best in raising four girls on her own and i must admit that she did one hell of a job, she did it gracefully and marvelously because the girls are an example of every good woman. she is indeed a super phenomenal woman.

The reason of me writing this article is because, i have been a victim of lack of self confidence, self victimization, concern about what others think of me, Always feeling the need to explain myself , always letting people have their way so they might feel good and don't despise me and also afraid that i might loose them one way or the other, i sometimes feel offended when i don't get concern or help from someone whom i thought should, just because i was there for them one way or the other, all along, i thought that a mere human being should reward me towards the good and care i show them. I'm just that type of girl that gives compliment were it is due, i'm that type of girl that will be there for any body that needs a helping hand even if it means waking up at 2am, I'am that girl that is bless beyond measures but still keeps her spirit down to earth because she knows that all credit belongs to the man above. But i almost got influenced into someone else due to the kind of society and circle of people i associate myself with.

My little community is full of interesting people. There are those that think they are better than everyone else, there are those that think there are more Christian than others, there are those that will go to support a cause that don't really need support just to fit in and then turn around and don't feed a homeless person. My people are fun of throwing water in to the see instead of taking it to the desert( African proverb).Some of them preach peace on media all day but wont give you a hug in person or even identify themselves with you. My question is," all ye saints, how can you drag a soul to salvation when you cant even sit and dine with them?how can you help bring a life to salvation when all you do is criticize lifestyles and don't tell them the truth about the holy book?(don't tell me that I'm judging cuz then you are judging me at the same time) At least one thing i know for sure is that, Jesus dined even with prostitutes, then who am i to think that i'm better, that i have a better circle of friends, that i have better a job , that i wont identify myself with worldly people etc. But ,if my knowledge of the good book is right, then i know that Jesus talks about love, love, love. Jesus came to rescue the sinners not the saints.

I have come to realize that criticism and negativity from humans is like a wall ,if you focus on it , then you will run right in to it. You will get blocked by negative emotions, anger and self doubt. Your mind goes to where your attention is focused. However, i have decided to focus on the road ahead of me, now i can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are near by. Now i know that , when you think negative thoughts, it comes out in your body language. I will try and come at people with a positive mindset. I can only control the positive space i create around me. I know its hard for me not to react to haters, but i will keep practicing and hopefully someday day i might be closer to being better.

I must admit that there are times that my circle has made me think twice of my personality, the social media that i consult everyday has made me judge people and react awkwardly towards handling situations. This very circle almost had me thinking that, i have to show off, i have to belong, i have to change friends etc. There were even times that i felt a rush, confusion, depression , just because i felt the need to catch up with everything around me. Then there was finally a day that God sent someone to speak to me, God used my husband to take me out of the dilemma i put myself in to. He told me one day on my way to work that, " Babe, don't put labels on people, don't look at someone for what they have or have accomplished, look at their inner self" . And to tell you the truth, Jehovah does not see us as Dr this or president that , he looks at us as his loving children that he he created in his own image.This message from my loving husband brought so much knowledge in me. I'm beginning to see people in another way instead of the ordinary eye, i look at people for who they are inside, not what they possess or what they have accomplish. I have also come to learn that i cant dessert myself from my friends because of one flaws or the other, i will instead love them harder cause believe me love will melt even the hardest of hearts. I have learnt that you do not react to insults and criticism with the same type of venom, you smile and summon them to the most high and pray that Jehovah helps you forgive them cause it takes more energy and time to be angry at someone instead of smiling and feeling at peace with your self, i know it is hard to let go but believe me when i say to you that there is nothing that God won't do if you humble yourself and pray, I now know that you don't expect people to be there for you just because you were there for them.It took me all this while to come to peace with myself and understand that an ordinary human being cannot reward you, don't let them steal your blessings, God will reward you MORE for being there in whatsoever way to whoever. He will bless you a thousand times more.

Like i said earlier, i'm on the road to finding myself, i will not let an ordinary society or a group of people determine how or who i become that is not from God. I now know that i don't have to rush in accomplishing my goals, because a fast paste life leads to making of mistakes and not paying attention to what is really important .I don't have to belong to a group or particular type of people, i don't have to change my friends, i just need to have an open heart, open enough to accept every type of person, every situation and learn to take life as it unfolds itself with the help and knowledge from God ....I'M HARD AT WORK TO MAKE MY AMENITIES EVEN BETTER..WHILE DRIVING, FOCUS ON THE ROAD NOT THE WALLS NOR THE SIDEWALKS OR YOU MIGHT LOOSE TRACK AND ACTUALLY FIND YOURSELF OFF TO THE WALLS!!!!.###imstillaworkinprogress.

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