Decision

By Miss Ehl • March 29, 2017

To get the things you want in life, you must decide what you really want and have a clear reasons why you want it. I never thought I would be thankful for the last minute. My parents is the typical mother-father who looks for their child every day. But somehow, I got tired of it. I felt useless because of the rules and unwanted situations they are imposing to me. Back then, everything that I do was to follow them. All. No freedom at all. I didn't have a choice because I'm still studying that time and I didn't have the guts to left our house.

Finally, I graduated in college. I thought of many things that I want on my own. But life is really hard. They did not allow me to do what I wanted instead they let me enroll again in preparing for my board examination. Yeah, I want it also. I want to give it a try. But things just don't fall into the right places. Because of pressure and high expectations coming from them, I did not pass the said examination. How terrified I am. Shame is all over me. My insecurity is eating me big time. I don't know how to feel and react to them. I just want to become invisible that time.

It took me many years to have the courage. To stand on my own. To decide on what I believe I need to do. I still let them know that, I want to try something since I am not yet a passer. I let them know where I will go, what kind of job will it be and whom I am be with. I am still a good daughter after all. But it turns out they don't trust me at all. Trust issue had been my biggest problem with them. They don't trust me at all since then until at that moment. What did I do? I escape. I am old enough for that thing but I really did. I escaped in our house and just left them a letter saying that “don’t worry I will be okay and you need to trust me”. I chose not to follow them for my own sake and also for them. I did it for myself because I want to go out of my shell. I want to try things that I don’t know I am capable in doing it. And I am truly happy and glad I made that decision. I did it also for them. For them to realize that they need to trust me. I wouldn't do anything that will cause bad nor harm me. I love them so much. I want them to trust me because I want to tell them, “Hey mom and dad look at me now, the little girl that you kept on protecting for a long time becomes a grown lady now and will be the one to protect you as you did to her when she had nothing but your loving care”. I don’t have any regrets not practicing my craft for the meantime. The trust that I am longing for a very long time to them, I got it when the time they allowed me to stay in my work. They trust me now and I understand them now as I go back and think of that moment.

P.S. I am already a board passer. I'll tell you the story next time on how I did that without anything.

Thank you guys.

I hope you all like my experience :)

God bless.

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