Never Say Never

By Azumdialu • November 17, 2015

It was 2009, on a beautiful summer afternoon in Goldersgreen. Giggling with my dear friend in a Chinese restaurant, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see who wanted my attention. There he was- my waiter and he said "sorry lady, the gentleman over there just paid your bill".

With mouth agape, I looked backwards and there he was, my gentle giant with a heart of gold. I stood up with a smile on my face, straightened my skirt, and walked over to his table where he sat alone having lunch. I can't forget his smile as he asked how I was doing. We talked briefly and exchanged numbers as I said "thank you for paying my bill, you didn't have to but that was very kind". I bent down and kissed him on his left cheek as I walked back to my friend. I don't know what moved me to kiss him, but I never saw him again.

Fast forward October 2014, just as I was going through the unfortunate breakup of my engagement, I was trying to amuse myself by browsing through posts on Facebook, when all of a sudden there he was in a picture, lying helpless on a hospital bed, with an oxygen tube on his face. That crushed my heart. I had to reach out to him. I did and haven't let go ever since.

I fell in love with his mind because he speaks words of wisdom, always forthright and firm in his beliefs. But what I love most about him is his unshakable loyalty to his community, his homeland and his stance against unjust practices that affect the less privileged. He is who I desire, what I crave, who I look forward to seeing and what I love experiencing. He is such a fine gentleman with a touch I never felt before, a touch that can calm troubled seas.

I don't know what this is but I know I've experienced a real good man for the first time in my life. It's been eleven months and 2 weeks, taking each day one step at a time, but certainly the best days of my life in a very long time. I am in love but too scared to say yes I am. Why am I scared to say so? It's because love has brought me so much pain in different capacities of my life - as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a wife. I don't want "love" to kill whatever this is, this feeling I'm experiencing.

I have no reason to be with any other man, because he has given me my last shot at a meaningful relationship. I love the feeling I get just from being associated with him, and how he makes me feel about myself. If it isn't meant to be, I will be contented in the fact that at last I had the privilege of knowing a real good man who helped me regain my confidence, my sparkle and my pride as a woman, the man who helped me get my groove back.

It's 2.33 am this Tuesday morning. So, as I've got this off my chest, even though I know I should be saying this to him, I can get some much-needed sleep and sweet dreams too hahaha. No one compares to you Hun, so I'm going to keep my mind, heart and soul on you at Harrow. xxx

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