The Day I Realized Life Is Valuable

By Jai • September 22, 2015

In the 9th grade, I attempted suicide. On May 2nd, 2015.

The reason? I had a bad break up with my boyfriend. I know, "Oh! It's just a boy!" I get that a lot. But here's the catch. In the 8th grade, I was diagnosed with traits of borderline personality disorder. (For those who don't know, in a nut shell it's just really bad emotional mood swings.) So I'm able to feel emotions at a much more extreme level than most. It wasn't because of the boy though, it was the break up as a whole. I thought I always messed things up and I believed that I was a waste of space on Earth. I had been crying a lot that night and had a headache so I decided to get some Advil. I looked at the bottle and said, "F*** it, why not?" and took 5 times the actual dose. I took 20 Advil. And to the people who are suicidal; please don't do it. IT'S NOT WORTH IT! It's not worth physically feeling your body slowing down, it's not worth see your family practically drowning in their own tears. I'm the one that called 911. I regretted what I had done. Because of my sister. I made a promise to myself I would see her grow up after the horrid childhood I made her go through. I was about to break that promise. So I called 911.

Ever since that day, I've matured and I have grown up. It's actually changed my life for the better believe it or not. Most would expect that I would do worse, already having depression and anxiety since the 7th grade. But it didn't. It has opened up my eyes to what you can actually do with your life. I'm currently in the 10th grade and because of that day.... Because of that Saturday night on midnight, on May 2nd of just earlier this year... I've grown up a lot more than most people my age. It feels like yesterday that I wanted to die, because I felt like I didn't have a meaning to live in this world anymore. But now, I want to become a psychologist, a neurologist and study these types of things to help other people who had issues like me. I want to help people, and I can't do that if I'm dead, right?

Stay alive, for me, for YOU, for your family and friends. "Well, nobody cares about me." Bulls****. I started dating my old boyfriend again, and he blames HIMSELF that he's the reason why I tried to do what I did, when I tell him again and again, over and over, that he's not the reason. He cares about me. He cried so much when he saw me again back at school. People care! I care! And I don't even know you! So please, don't do it.

Stay strong, I believe in you.

And if you need someone to tell you that they love you or care for you: I LOVE YOU AND I CARE ABOUT YOU!

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